Just when you thought you knew...

I had an "AH-HA" moment this week.  It was actually kind of shocking.

You know how you think you know something, absolutely for sure?  It's a given - it's the truth now, it's always been the truth - you know it so well that you don't even think about it even more.  You know?

Well, this week my world got turned upside down in an unimportant, but surprising way.  I found out that .... my husband's favorite pie is apple, or peach, or sweet potato, or anything with rhubarb... but it's not cherry, which is what I've always thought it was.  Wow!

This conversation came up after I spent several hours in an orchard in NE Washington state picking about 23 pound of cherries to put up for use during the rest of the year.  It's not that he didn't appreciate my efforts - he gave me lots of praise.  It's not that he doesn't like cherry pie, because just about any homemade pie is like a little piece of heaven.  It's just that we've been married over 17 years and I thought that cherry was his favorite.

And then he reminded me that cherry is MY favorite, or at least one of them.  Oops.

And so I did what any good partner would do.  I made him an apple pie... and served it with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream.  And put several pieces in the freezer, so that they can be thawed and consumed at any time.

And so then I asked myself the question, "What else do you think you know?"

Maybe it's a good thing to have our preconceived notions upset or challenged... to learn something new, or admit to making a mistake.  Relationships and communities are built on being honest and sharing ourselves in authentic ways.  

The world keeps telling us that things are black and white - that we have to live inside a box - that rules were not meant to be broken.  But relationships grow and change, and if we're honest and willing to see it all through, living a little grey will help us to grow and give us a stronger foundation on which to go forward into the world.

Early in my ministry career I had several people say to me, "I don't believe that women should be preachers, so I'll never consider you to be my pastor."  And as surprised as I was with that kind of honesty, I was glad that the Spirit provided me with a response that has been a blessing every time... "That's OK, let's just be friends."  While shocked at my response, no one ever turned me down.  Those starting friendships often blossomed and in time, each new friend introduced me to someone saying, "This is Deb, she is my pastor." 

I find that the more I think I know, the more I have to learn.  Instead of living in the box all the time, I have found that questions might just make the box bigger, instead of finding me outside it bounds. I hope that my willingness to change and adapt is seen as a strength and not a weakness.  But how do we know when it's time to hold ground and when it's time to update our thinking?

For me, there are not hard and fast rules, as long as I continue to live according to my understanding of who God has called me to be.  Love God, love neighbor, love self - and all for the glory of God.  It is impossible for human beings to find 100% agreement on every idea regarding faith, family and life.  But when we are at our best, we find a middle ground.  We figure out how to make a life together and we do it out of love for God and love for each other.  Relationships with our spouses, our family members, our friends and our enemies are often defined by what we are willing to give up in order that others might find joy and.or peace.  When challenged, we find that many things that we thought were really important are, in reality, just things, or ideas, or habits of doing things a particular way.  And when push comes to shove, we often have to choose between competing ideas, all in the practice of Godly love.

[Jesus said,] "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." John 13:34-35 (The Message)

This is the high bar that is set for all of us.  And God's gives us the ability to choose how to live out that love in our own lives.  My life looks very different from most of yours, and that's a good thing.  But it is my hope and prayer that our choices will draw us closer together and not put up walls that will keep us from supporting one another as we live our faith in the world today.

Peace, Deb

"Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." Frank Sinatra

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen." Rod McKuen, Looking for a Friend

"God always has another custard pie up his sleeve." Lynn Redgrave