Anxieties of the Season

The Christmas season is filled with lots of joy...  after all, we are celebrating the birth of our living Lord and king.  But this season is also filled with great anxiety.  Questions come to us in the middle of the night.  For some it's about choosing the "right" gift... for others it's about allocation of funds - is there enough money to have a good celebration?.  For others, the holidays highlight problems in family relationships.  For others still, this is a Christmas separated from those we love, by distance or by death.

We want Christmas to be perfect, but our imperfections as human beings often get in the way of the perfection we so desire.  Take my anxiety, for example.  This week I have to pray.

"OK," you say, "so what?  You pray every day... it's your job to pray... you're a professional prayer."

Yes, I reply, but this Friday night is different.  This week I will give the invocation at my husband's holiday office dinner.  This week I pray outside of my AOR (area of responsibility).  This week is the same, but feels different.

In my preparation (yes, we do prepare for these things), I am thinking of the variety of faith experiences that I may encounter... those who might not accept me as their pastor because I am a woman.... those might think that my prayer is too religious... and those who might think that it is not religious enough.  I think about the fact that I don't want to embarrass my husband, or my Church, or my God.  But maybe that's the problem.... maybe I think too much.

As I woke up this morning, a prayer came to me.  I hurried downstairs and quickly typed it up before it was driven out by the busyness of the day.  And in this process, I realized that all of my worry is about me, and doesn't place much power with the One to whom we pray.  So, thank you, God, for giving me the words to share.... the prayer to pray... and the peace to pray it in love.

And may it be so with you, whatever your anxieties of the season.

Peace, Deb


"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27 (NIV)

Holy and ever-living God, we thank you for this day, and for all the blessings of our lives.  For family, friends, and good work… for opportunities to share in the gifts of our lives and our livings… for the possibility of a peaceful world… and the will to make that peace a reality.  We lift up this night those who are separated by work, war and death.  We ask that you would give us strength to persevere in the midst of the uncertainties of our daily lives, and in the lives of those around us.  We thank you for this family of friends and colleagues gathered this night, as we remember the work that we have done together, and ask that you would continue to help us function in unity, gathered to do good work in a time of great change in our world.  Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies, so that we may serve in grace and peace.  In humbleness we pray.  Amen.

It's all about friendship

Last week I went with my husband while he took a class in Ohio.  To some it would have looking boring... in a hotel room all day with no car (because he had to drive to class) and a weight limit on my luggage that kept me from taking along too many projects to keep me busy.  As it turns out, even the projects I took didn't get as much progress as I had hoped, mainly because I found a little bit of home, right there in Dayton.

You see, there in western Ohio, I had friends (hello, Katie, Alex & Carter, Tina & Emma, Terrie & Jimmy) and family (Ola, Chuck, Drew, Zach, Chelsea, Matt & Silas).  So each day was filled with opportunities to catch up with people whom I had know from my previous lives.  Katie and her sons took me to lunch on Monday.  She was a member of a bible study I led in Oklahoma and part of our tanker squadron there.  Tina and her daughter took me to lunch on Tuesday.  We used to live across the street from each other, and her husband was my doctor once upon a time.  Our few hours together grew our friendship and I am grateful for her hospitality.

On Monday night, we drove to Columbus to have dinner with my sister and her family, just in time to celebrate my nephew's 12th birthday.  Pizza, cake and Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream made for a perfect day.  And as an added bonus I got to hold my grandnephew, Silas, for a few minutes before his diaper needed to be changed.  On Tuesday night we met up with our friends Terrie and Jimmy, with whom we double dated many years ago, and who were in our wedding just six weeks before I performed their wedding.  We caught up on the happenings of our families and our lives.  I had seen them earlier this year, but for Shawn it had been over 10 years since he had seen them.  We picked up like we had just had dinner a few weeks before.

On Wednesday I worked on projects at the hotel and on Thursday, Shawn's dad drove down from Detroit and we visited the National Museum of the Air Force... and then he and I went back for a behind the scenes tour on Friday.  When Shawn was done, we drove to Michigan to spend an action-packed weekend with his family, including a volleyball game, helping around the house, grocery shopping, dinner-cooking, Christmas cookie-making, church, a visit with Aunt Fran and her whole family, visiting the cemetery, decorating the sanctuary for Advent, and dinner with the family who were our partners in crime.  All to come home and watch the last NASCAR race of the season (DVR'd for our convenience) and see Shawn's favorite driver Tony Stewart win his third championship title.

A quick flight home on Monday and we're totally settled into our routine again.  And it's all in time to have Thanksgiving dinner with some of our AF friends on Thursday, start decorating the house for Christmas over the weekend, and immerse ourselves into holiday activities and the spirit of Christ's birth.

The biggest blessing of our Air Force life is the great relationships that we have made over the years.  We have lived in and traveled to many unbelievable places, but in our remote assignments we have found that it's the friendships that carry you through.  We are blessed to know that in most of the places where the Air Force could send us, we will know somebody.  Or somebody who knows somebody we know.  And we have had great church families, mostly local folks who know that we're not around forever, but take a change to love us anyway.  And keep in touch when we go to start over someplace else.

Over the last couple of years we have also grown closer to our families.  We have realized how precious those relationships are, and are taking more opportunities to spend time together whenever we can.  And we try not to take those experiences for granted, because you never know what the next year will have in store.

So this Thanksgiving, I am grateful for family and friends... for the people who love us and for the differences we can make together in the world.  And I pray that God will continue to show me how to be a good friend and not take the friendships (and familyships) I have for granted.

Peace, Deb


My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  John 15:12-13 (NIV)

Misuse of Power Hurts Everyone

"Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."  Lord Acton (1887)

 There are a lot of stories in the news right now about the misuse of power.  And a lot of people are denying or defending allegations against them or those they know.  Sometimes it involves doing the wrong thing.  Other times it's about not doing the right thing when it needs to be done. Whether in politics, sports, business, military, school, church or family, the misuse of power has caused a great many people a great deal of pain.

I’ve observed some things over the last few years which have been racing around in my brain this week about what happens when a misuse of power is discovered.  First, the person accused often claims to have no idea that they have done anything wrong.  Many times this plays out as denial, to community and to self.  Or accusations that others are out to get them. Or setting up the accuser as the initiator of the incidence or as a person of lesser character.  It is a rare occurrence when someone stands up from the very beginning and says, "Yes, I did it and I'm sorry."

Second, people, while horrified, are likely to make excuses for the one who has crossed the line.  Whether it’s wealth or position or reputation as an icon, many of those who have misused their power don’t understand what all the fuss is about.  And those around them want to protect them.

Third, those of us on the sidelines are often disgusted, frustrated and angry, but don’t really know what to do.  We don’t have a good means of dealing with the disappointments that come when people we admire and love commit a terrible wrong.  So often we do nothing.

This fall (2011) we have been inundated with stories and images that make these points, some sexual, some financial, some in the realm of church life.  And again and again these stories take us away from the really important issues of the day.  We get caught up in the scandal, like rubbernecking at an accident on the side of the highway.  The details of the stories become almost unimportant in relation to the problem at the very core:  As Christians, we don’t take seriously the biblical mandate to take care of one another.

It’s not like these problems are isolated to us as Americans or the actions of present day people.  The biblical story is filled with these exact same situations, separated by a couple of thousand years.  Think of David and Bathsheba… seduction of a wife and murder of a soldier husband to cover up the crime (2 Samual 11).  Think of Jesus’ parable of the rich man and Lazarus, a pauper who begged at the rich man’s gate.  When they died, the beggar went to heaven, but the rich man to Hades, for the disregard he had shown for others when he was alive (Luke 16:19-31).  Think of Jesus’ own trial and crucifixion.  The Jewish priests and leaders trumped up charges on Jesus to get rid of his influence of others.  Even Pilate knew that Jesus was innocent and washed his hand of the matter, laying full blame on those in power in the Jewish community of Jerusalem (Matthew 27:11-26).

So if this misuse of power is endemic in our history and culture, do we have to give in and accept that “stuff just happens”?  No, I don’t believe we should.  I don’t believe that we can let that happen.  But we do have to understand the problem. 

Power or authority comes with tremendous responsibility.  Many leaders forget that is responsibility to care for and protect those under their power.  It should mean sacrifice of personal needs in order that other’s needs be met.  The problem comes when we give into the “if it feels good, do it” mentality.  This is compounded when we don’t understand that those under our authority look to us as the keepers of their wellbeing and will often do things that are wrong in order to secure their positions. 

I’ve participated in several workplace ethics seminars.  And from them I have taken away this idea - that people under our care and control do not have freewill to refuse our requests.  If we ask them to do things that are inappropriate, their first internal question is, “How will this affect my position if I say 'No"?”  Effectively, they don’t have the ability to give consent, because we hold over them a fear that their lives will be put into disorder if they refuse.  This dynamic often plays out as sexual misconduct or harassment or in financial misdoings.  And these actions don’t just affect the ones in the act… the ripple effect can be seen throughout families, companies and churches where these activities reside.  Reputations are ruined, lives disrupted and relationships and trust are destroyed.

All of these stories call us to action.
1 – to be very mindful of the relationships we have with others and make sure that we are not putting them or us into difficult situations.
2 – to be on the watch for inappropriate uses of power by others, calling attention to them in the most constructive way possible.
3 – to be brave and speak the truth in love.  These conversations usually start in private and begin with “I am concerned about what I think I am seeing…”
4 – to use appropriate channels to ask questions and share concerns, in a spirit of truth and not out of spite or revenge.

As a Christian, I want to be a person who does more than that which is required by the law of the land, and instead a person who does what is commanded by the love of God. These steps are all difficult and require prayer and support. This is a dangerous road to travel in this world we live in, but one that we must practice walking every day.

The quote at the top of the page is well-known.  It lifts up a negative aspect of power and brings it into the light, as if it were the ultimate truth.  But what if we lived by another truth…  our call to live out our vocations and callings in love and in faithfulness.  What if we took our faith commitments seriously in every aspect of our lives? What would the world look like if we lived this way every day?

Peace, Deb

“… God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” (1 John 4:16-21) NIV

A little show and tell

Someone asked me why I created this blog. I thought about it for a long time before I knew what to say. Practically, I started blogging as a spiritual discipline during Lent. I wanted to keep track of what I was thinking as Easter approached, of how I was going to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus while I was still grieving over the death of my husband's mother, and in anticipation of my 10th move as a military spouse.

When Easter came, I realized that this blog was also a way to share with my community of family and friends... most of whom I do not see or talk to everyday, but who love me from afar. I continue to write because I need to be present outside myself and my little corner of the world. Maybe it helps some of you... I hope there's a little seed that get's planted each time I write. I know that it helps me, and I thank you for your encouragement when it touches you and your indulgence when I'm just talking loudly to myself.


Maybe you noticed that I haven't posted in a month... several reasons for that.  We had 22 people come from out of town for my husband's recent promotion celebration.  Maybe I'll post more about that week later.  All I'll say right now is that I successfully guided 23 people to the Pentagon and back by public transportation during the morning rush hour.  No one was injured and no one got lost.  I consider that a victory.  More importantly, we had a great time.

The other reason I haven't posted is because I'm not sure that what I have to say is all that important.  I don't want my postings to be self-important or silly.  So while I don't think I have anything profound to say today, I do have a report of my recent activities and some pictures to go along.  Think of it as my version of "show and tell".

Two 13 year olds in one year!

Crafting: Many of my friends are very crafty. In North Dakota, we quilted... it's good to have a warm hobby in a state where it's cold for most of the year. It wasn't something I chose. My friend, Bev, registered me for my first class to get me out of the house while my husband deployed a couple of weeks after we moved there in January. I love the piecing and struggle with the actual quilting part. I made a promise to make a quilt for each of my nieces and nephews when they turned 13... Five done, two to go... I follow some quilting blogs to give me more ideas for patterns and fabric choices. I even bought a sewing machine that can handle the process of sewing all those layers together... but a few years ago I became distracted from my quilting by other kind of needlework... crochet.

Baby Andrea with her blanket

My mom and both grandmothers all crocheted. They tried to teach me when I was a teenager. I just wasn't interested. But about five years ago, I went with Shawn on a TDY (business trip), and while looking for something to keep me occupied while he was working, I bought a skein of yarn and a "teach yourself to crochet" kit - the rest is history. I have spent many afternoon and evening crocheting for the people I love. Last year I made over 40 scarves, prayer shawls and baby blankets for friends and family members. I went a little yarn crazy, stashing it here and there. When we moved I realized how much I had collected and so lately I'm been making scarves for a project at church. But the crochet blogs I follow are about making clothes. This winter I'm making a cardigan for myself. There... I said it out loud, so I hope you'll keep me accountable. I'll post pictures as I go along.

Cooking:

Yummy Lentil Soup

I've always liked cooking, but lately it seems to give me a lot of joy. Maybe it's because I the time to plan and prepare... maybe it's because our tastes have widened and we now like lots of different kinds of foods. I love looking at cooking blogs because they not only give me a recipe but also the story that goes along with it. And pictures... cooking blogs have lots of pictures. Some of my friends have started photographing their food, and I love looking at those pictures. I guess I'm still too much about enjoying the preparation. I never remember to take the pictures until it's already done. I have started posting some recipes on this blog and on my Facebook page. Mostly I just like expanding my repertoire and enjoying the fruit of my labor.  I was really glad when the weather turned cooler so I could start making my Lentil Soup again.

Theology:
I read a lot of blogs.  Some of them are about crafting.  Many are about cooking.  But the largest number of blogs I read are related to religion and theology. They cover a variety of areas - discipleship, history, current events, missions, sermons, teaching... the list is almost endless, and the authors are always thinking outside of my box or comfort zone. Since I'm not serving a church right now, I think these blogs help me feel connected to the conversations that are happening in churches right now. They help me to push outside of my own perspective. They help me to understand where other people are coming from. They show me how others are living out their faith.

It's easy to get comfortable where we are... to depend on the status quo and just keep doing the same old thing. It's hard to continually expose ourselves to new things... to be willing to stand firm when that is called for and to be willing to change when that change is needed. This holds true for me in what I do for fun, how I care for my family and friends, and how I continue to use my gifts of teaching and friendship in the church and the rest of my life.

So that's where I am right now, blessed and trying to be faithful everyday.  May God bless you wherever you are, too.

Peace in Christ,
Deb

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart.  Wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

Going home, part 2

This past weekend I went home for the second time in two weeks.  The first time was to visit my parents in the town where I grew up.  This time I went to the town where I spent my last year of college and another six years, prior to entering seminary.  I wasn't originally going to be a minister, you know.  From the time I was very young I wanted to work in a hospital laboratory, just like my aunt did before me.  In college, I majored in Medical Technology and trained at a wonderful hospital.  And when I graduated, I went to work as a blood bank technologist, just like I always dreamed I would.

There I met a wonderful woman who graduated the year before me, and when she was ready to get an apartment close to the hospital, she invited me to share it with her.  And for six years we shared our living space and our lives.  Eventually, she met a nice man, and after I left for seminary, they got engaged and then married.  But in the years before that, it was Rachel and Bill and me, usually traveling in three separate cars wherever we went.  

They were the first to encourage me when I answered my call to ministry, first as a lay missioner, then as a ministerial candidate.  They helped me load up a U Haul and drove me to Durham to start school at Duke Divinity School   A year later I went home to be in their wedding.  After that my trips were usually overnight visits on my way to and from my parents' when they lived in Alabama.  

A few years ago Bill retired from Clemson University and Rachel continued to work at the same hospital where we trained.  Their lives had the same rhythm that they had had for 25 years.  My life was totally different.  Since leaving there in 1987, I have lived in 11 different towns, 10 states and one foreign country.  My world view expanded by the variety and quantity of the people I met and the different places I visited.  They were a family who lived in the same house where Bill grew up as a child.  Me, I don't even know where I'll be in another year or two, or what we'll be doing when Shawn retires.

Bill died last week of complications from diabetes.  He had not been well since this April, but I didn't know because we hadn't talked in a while.  But Friday, when I was sitting at my computer thinking about dinner, I received an email from Rachel informing me of his death.  And in that moment, I knew I had to go.  And I'm so glad I did.

I saw a lot of people from my past this weekend.  Previous colleagues from the hospital and church members greeted me as a long lost friend or relative.  Over 200 people crowded the small, country church where his funeral was held.  It was a testimony to the love and respect that people had for him.  And I was really humbled when the minister invited me to officiate at the committal service, where for the first time in a long time, I was able to look into the faces of those who first recognized my call and sent me into the world to preach and teach in the name of Jesus.

And so to all of them, and to God, I say "Thank You."  I live this amazing life - not one that I ever imagined for myself - and I'm able to do it where I do, in the way I do, in large part because of them.  It's hard to fathom that 28 years ago, my roommate's boyfriend invited me to church and I went.  And it started a cascade of events that tumbled onward to this very day.

Lesson Learned:  Never underestimate the power that you have to affect other people... to bring about change in people's lives... to encourage them... to help them take a road less traveled.  Be a blessing, indeed!

"Therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort in love, any sharing in the Spirit, any sympathy, complete my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, being united, and agreeing with each other.  Don't do anything with selfish purposes but with humility think of others as better than yourselves.  Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others." (Philippians 2:1-4 in the Common English Bible)

Reflections on tragedy and recovery

No surprise to anyone that we just passed the 10th anniversary of the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.  Our country has been building up to this memorial observance, and not surprisingly, controversy has surrounded celebrations.  And yet, as I watched on television and attended local worship services and remembrances, I am struck by the level of spiritual depth that surrounded the days' proceedings.

I love that ceremonies at the three crash sites public officials and ordinary people shared scripture, songs, prayers and personal reflections, most of which were deeply rooted in the spiritual language and meaning.  I was touched and moved by the silences, which allowed those watching to remember the day in their own ways.  I love that in interviews with architects and builders and project managers they talked about an  investment in helping the country heal and recover from the tragedies, but never at the expense of sweeping the horrible facts under the rug.

I love that when I went to an interfaith service in my DC suburb, we prayed in English, Hebrew and Arabic.  We listened to reading from the Old and New Testaments, the Talmud and the Koran. We heard testimonies from those who survived the Pentagon attack and wonderful poems written espeically for the occasion.  We prayed in unison and read responsively.  And in the end we sang together, "God Bless America"... all of us - Christian, Muslim and Jew.  It was just right.

I want so badly to be able to say something profound... to be able to quote scripture or a famous author that would make all that has happened in the world make sense.  But all I can think of is having the feeling deep in my soul that I was not meant to understand it all at once - the pain, the suffering, or even the solutions to the problems we share.  Gradually the question, "Why did this happen?" is replaced with "How do I respond?"  And in the meantime I have come to believe that I can only live life one day at a time, and be ready to be an instrument of God's love and grace in all things.  Believe me, it's a work in progress.

Peace, Deb

2 Peter 3: 8-13 "Don’t let it escape your notice, dear friends, that with the Lord a single day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a single day.  The Lord isn’t slow to keep his promise, as some think of slowness, but he is patient toward you, not wanting anyone to perish but all to change their hearts and lives.  But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. On that day the heavens will pass away with a dreadful noise, the elements will be consumed by fire, and the earth and all the works done on it will be exposed.  

         Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what sort of people ought you to be? You must live holy and godly lives, waiting for and hastening the coming day of God. Because of that day, the heavens will be destroyed by fire and the elements will melt away in the flames.  But according to his promise we are waiting for a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness is at home."

You can go home... it's just different

This weekend we drove from DC to the upstate of SC to see my parents.  It had been over 18 months since Shawn had seen them, and we came to find they are fully entrenched in their new life.  Most of their time is engaged in their backyard garden.  They have turned all of their flowerbeds into vegetable plots.  This year they are excelling at tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, okra, and eggplant... lots of eggplant.  Evidence of their green thumbs comes to full realization when you check out their 17 cubic foot freezer, packed to the very top with the literal fruit of their hard work.  It's good to know that if we run into a disaster of some kind, they and their friends will not go hungry.

In addition to the tomatoes, peppers and eggplant, they sent us home with the rest of their rhubarb, frozen collard greens, tomato sauce, and corn.  And they took us to their favorite orchard to buy some wonderful Spartanburg County peaches, freestone and so sweet that they didn't even need sugar.  Today I spent a lot of the day "putting up" the bounty.  After an afternoon's work, we have 12 quarts of peaches, 6 pints of rhubarb, 4 meals of eggplant (only for me, you know) and fresh corn off the cob in OUR freezer.

It reminded me of the work that we did each summer when I was a kid, harvesting the bounty from our garden and the one my grandmother kept.  We jarred a lot of pickles, we cooked a lot of okra and tomatoes... you never knew what would be the work of the day.  I didn't really care much for being "free labor" at the time, but it has served me well since then.  Whenever I have the freezer space I make special packages to get us through the winter, On year it was 20 pints of apple sauce and 8 premade pies.  Another year it was shucking, blanching and cutting off 150 ears of corn, boy were my hands sore.

For all intents and purposes, I left home after I graduated from high school and never spent longer than a summer vacation living with my parents again.  Not only did I move away, but they did, too.  In fact they have moved four times since I left home.  So when I went to visit before, it wasn't really "going home."  And when I went back to my hometown, it didn't feel like home because my parents weren't there.  Now, 34 years later, my hometown finally feels like home again.  I doubt that I will ever live there again, but then again, I can only imagine what God has in store for us.

Here are somethings I realized on my recent journey into the past.  I thought you might have felt some of the same things.

• I love that there are people who have the same shaped feet as me.
• I love it that when my mom wants to tell a funny story, she cracks herself up before she can even get a word out of her mouth.
• And I love that it only takes a few words for me or my dad or brother or sister to figure out what story she's trying to tell so that we can pick up with what she was trying to say.
• I love that my dad still goes to the car 15 minutes before he told us he wanted to leave.
• And how that accounts for me always being early wherever I go.
• I love that my brother lives close by and checks on them everyday, at least by phone.
• I love that my dad loves dogs, but has finally realized he can love other people's dogs without bringing one home.
• I love that they have a wonderful church family with many friends from 35 years ago and new ones, too.  
• I love that my dad goes to Sunday school each week and even reads his lesson in advance.
• I love that my mom is still substituting as a church organist all over town.
• I love that some things never change, like Wade's Restaurant and the Beacon Drive-In, but that new things are good, too, like the little crepe restaurant, Mon Amie, where we had a great brunch on Sunday morning.
• I love that my parents are in great health at 77 and 84, and that they both worked until just three years ago doing jobs they loved.
• I love that they have been married 53 years, and that most of them have been happy.
• I love that they love Shawn and he loves them, too.
• I love that I want to be just like them when I grown up.

I'm not saying that I am the perfect child or that they were the perfect parents, but I am grateful for all the gifts that they have given me, including life and love and respect for all the gifts of my life.

Honoring mother and father is a long part of our religious culture, as passed on through the ten commandments in the Hebrew Bible and the writings of Paul in the New Testament.  I just ask for as many opportunities as possible to share this love with them in person.

Peace, Deb

Ephesians 6:1-3   Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

This blog has been interrupted for ....

I was working on a different blog post yesterday when my world started shaking... no, literally shaking.  It seems that a 5.8 earthquake centered about 80 miles from my location in Northern Virginia had struck.  I was at the grocery store and I felt dizzy - like my legs were rubbery and the ground was moving side to side and up and down under my feet.  When stuff started falling off the shelves, I knew it wasn't me.  Then we all looked around and said, "wow, I think that was an earthquake."  And then people started cleaning up and gong about their business... no panic - no evacuation - just buying cabbage and carrots for slaw and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, which were on sale.

I texted my spouse to let him know that I was OK and when I finished picking up a few things, I went home.  The house was still standing - nothing was broken - all was well with the world.  Then I turned on the TV.  All the local stations had interrupted programming, and a reoccurring theme began to emerge.  Many of the people interviewed compared their immediate reaction of the earthquake to the feeling they had on that September day in 2001.  The fears of that day 10 years ago reemerged for many.  And I was reminded of something important.

The things that happen to us matter.  Some things we may never forget - like where we were on 9/11.  For other times, the details are forgotten, but the general experience remains with us.  Today I looked at pictures of new student orientation at my colleges, and all of those feelings of fear and joy and excitement came rushing back, locked away long ago but ready to be unleashed by a sight or a sound or a smell.   Generations before us had the death of President Kennedy and Pearl Harbor/D-Day to remember.  For people born in the last 50 years, 9/11 will probably (hopefully) be the most defining national moment we experience.

These corporate moments are lasting for many reasons.  They are a common shared experience. They give us a starting place for conversation and relationship.  And they most likely change the way we think about the world and our place in it.  The events of September 11, 2001 also made us think about faith and religion in a new way.  For some, religion became a haven.  For others, it challenged their understanding of God and a world where these kind of things can happen.  For still others, their faith helped them to stay grounded and loved and to get through difficult and challenging times.

Yesterday's earthquake reminded me that those memories still live within us and have the power to invade whatever else is happening in our world and jar it just a little.  People here in the DC area were reminded of that day 10 years and the insecurities that are always with us in the nation's capital.  It's been 10 years - something in us want to think that someday it will not longer effect us with such impact, but I don't think that's the case.  I think these monumental communal events still effect us just as much as the personal events like weddings and births and deaths.  And as painful as those reminders are, they are also evidence that we are human and not in always in control of what happens around us.

What we can control is how we react.  For me, that reaction is anchored in my trust in a God who does not will trouble for us, but helps us to come through on the other side stronger than when we began.  Dean Sam Lloyd at the National Cathedral said it this way:  Jesus hung out with a motley crew.  They weren't pillars of the community - they sometimes made bad choices.  But Jesus lived out a kind of love that told them that no one could ever do anything to be outside the reach of God's love.  Jesus came to make our lives today possible - lives of love and peace and forgiveness.  And if we choose to follow him, he will give us the strength, energy and compassion to live our lives with all the fullness we can experience.

Paul wrote about this God-love in a letter to the church in Rome, where Christians were undergoing terrible persecution.  I remember these words everyday, in the midst of my remembrances of communal tragedies and personal struggles.  May they give you as much peace as they do me.

Romans 8: 35-39  "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long;  we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Now excuse me while I go to stock my hurricane box.  Irene is on the way.

Peace, Deb

We may never know...

I've had a lot of feedback about last week's post.  It's very humbling to know that people are reading what I write and thinking seriously about it.  I am reminded of the scene in the movie "Julie and Julia" where Amy Adams' character is wondering if anyone is reading her blog.  On the day when someone finally posts a comment she realizes, "uh oh, I better be careful about what I say... people are paying attention."  That's how I feel today.

And it started me thinking about how we often live without remembering that people are paying attention.  We may never know how that one thing we say or do may have an effect on someone's life.  It could be in the way we relate to our children or spouse at the grocery store or WalMart.  It may be in the way we drive our cars.  In may be reflected how we live out friendship, or in how we relate to people we don't know.  It may be in the way that we react to the circumstances around us... new jobs, new friends, unemployment, kids going off to school, or kids coming back home to live.  There are as many situations as there are minutes in the day, and if we are mindful, we can reflect love in every single one of them.

"Oh, no," you're thinking.  "Now I have to be careful about what I say and do all the time."  Well, yes - that's the way it works.  But it does get easier if we think about living one day  (hour/minute) at a time.  It becomes a way of life... a habit... an essential part of ourselves.  Does that mean we don't think about it?  No, it is very easy to get pulled back into what I call an "unthoughtful" posture.  I like to think of this lifestyle as character development.  And just like in mastering a musical instrument or a sport, it takes practice.

For me it's more than "What Would Jesus Do?"  It's more about asking, "What am I called to do?"  Whether we consider ourselves religious or spiritual, I believe that each of us has a calling.  Some of that is about profession, but I have discovered over the years that it's more about being fully present and attentive and active in the lives we live.  This isn't about going to church, although for many that is important.  It's not about being overtly pious, either.  This calling is about making a life that is more about being centered... giving when we can and receiving when we are in need.  And believing that we are stronger when we are in relationships with others than we can be when we depend only on ourselves.

We may never know how much our care touches others or how our love brings out the best in those around us or how much we have to give until we try.  We may never know how much others need to give until we are willing to receive, how much our centeredness in God and with one another gives our lives grace and peace and meaning, or how that centeredness reaches into the lives of those we touch, even if it's just a minute or too.

We may never know how much we make a difference in each other's lives, but know we do and be mindful of making it a good difference.  It's as simple as sharing a smile, offering a hand, or going out of our way.  Be grateful for the good around you, even when things aren't going the way you planned.  Be sad at the sad things and look for joy around you.  This is the life to which we have all been called.

I am reminded of the prayer attributed to St Francis of Assisi in the 14th century.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.  Where these is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.  Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.  Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console,
to be understood, as to understand,  to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.  Amen.

May we all be instruments of God's peace.  Deb

Looking for a place to call home

I've been flying under the radar the last few weeks.  I've been a little busy - trying to get settled, learning my way around, going out have new adventures.  I've been in touch with a few friends from previous assignments, made and kept an appointment at the Army hospital, and had lunch with one of my neighbors.  But we're still working on making this "home."

Home is more than getting the boxes unpacked, more than hanging pictures, more than filling the freezer and cupboards with food.  Home is about making a life, both in the house and out in the world.  And that part is really hard.  We're still working on finding a church.  There are 15 United Methodist churches withing 10 miles of our house (more choices makes it harder, not easier, in case you were wondering) and so far we have visited 5 if them.  Two were off the list before we got back into the car... one is too far away and two others are on the short list.  We're visiting number 6 this Sunday - then we make a choice.

Of course, we are an unusual family when it comes to finding a congregational home... we know way too much and have opinions about everything else.  And then there's the all important question... are we choosing a church family based on what they can do for us or what we can do for them?  So far, we're trying to weigh the choices evenly, but when we come to the bottom line, we just want to worship in a place we can call home.

Isn't that what we all want... you and me?  Not just to have the boxes cleared away but to find a place of meaning, at home and in the world.  All of us want to be in a place where we can know that we make a difference... a place where we can be loved for who we are... a place to serve when we are at our best and be served when we are in a time of need.

Right now each of us is in "between times" - between the times of saying goodbye and saying hello.  We are remembering good and bad times in previous places, and looking into the mist of the future, praying the there is a puzzle where our piece will fit.  Some of us are sending our kids to school for the first time and wondering what we will do with our days.  Some of us are going back to work after some time away.  Some of us are even in the same place, but people we love are gone, so we will have to make a new normal right where we are.  No matter what our situations, we have the opportunity to make the best of whatever comes our way.

I know that this will become home for us.  As has happened so many times in the past, we will be blessed by the relationships that we develop with old and new friends, and we will work to both serve and be served.  God's past and present faithfulness are reminders that there are big plans in store for each of us as we live fully through whatever circumstances meet us along the way.  For some of us that means moving from place to place. For others it means staying put and welcoming new friends into your lives, even if they are not going to be around forever.  Paul reminds us that we can be equipped to handle and even thrive in all the circumstances of our lives.  Simply put, that's what it means to be "home."

Paul writes: "Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, he will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely."  (2 Thessalonians 2:11-12 in The Message)

Happiness is being "The Pie Lady"

This weekend we went to a picnic with five families from previous assignments,  When deciding what to make, I decided on making two of my favorite pies - the Chocolate Chip Derby Pie and the Cherry Berry Pie.  On Saturday morning, I gathered the ingredients, made the crusts and set out for the task at hand.  When Shawn came in the kitchen, he asked, "Why pie?  No one at this party will know that you're the Pie Lady.  This is your chance to remake yourself... no need to be chained to the past."

I thought about this for a minute or two.  After bringing pies to many events in the last five years, it didn't really occur to me that I would NOT bring pie, even if I was bringing something else.  I've worked hard to develop my recipes, and am happy to share with people who enjoy them.  And so I replied, "But I'm happy for pie to be "my thing."  It's a dying art and I don't want it to get lost in the process."

And so we went with our two pies to the picnic... and the Pie Lady still lives on.

So in my effort to keep the art of pie making alive, I'm sharing with you some of my best tips.

1 - I've used Pillsbury Refrigerated Crust since it came out... and it's a really good crust.  In fact, I keep a package in the freezer in case of a pie emergency.  But  I have finally found a crust recipe that works consistently for me.  And so I'm going to share that with you, just so that you can see if it works for you, too.

2 - Most fruit pies need a bottom crust and a top crust.  The top one can be the same crust as the bottom, but the top one can be a mixture of flour, sugar, butter and oatmeal, often called a streusel topping.  Cherry and apple are especially good with streusel topping.  And if you're going to top your pie with a regular crust, do something fancy like cutting out shapes with a cookie cutter (I'm partial to stars) or making a lattice top.  Don't think that's too hard because I've taught my nieces and nephews to make lattice tops, so you can learn it, too.

3 - Know your oven.  The time in a recipe is usually a starting place for me.  You want the top crust to be brown and crisp-looking and the filling to be bubbly toward the center.  If it's not, your pie will be soupy in the middle.

4 - Cooked pies need to cool to lukewarm or room temperature, otherwise they will run when cut and make the bottom crust soggy.

5 - Fruit pie and ice cream is an equivalent breakfast to cereal with fruit and milk.

Deb's Very Easy Pie Crust
(If you don't have shortening, you can use all butter.)
[I use a food processor, but you can make this with a pastry blender or two knives to cut the fat into the flour.]
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
8 tablespoons butter (1 stick), chilled and cut into small pieces
4 tablespoons shortening
6-8 tablespoons ice-cold water

Place the flour and salt in the bowl of your food processor or mixer.  Add the butter pieces and the shortening and cut into the flour.  In a food processor, pulse the mixture until the fat is broken down into pieces the size of peas.  If using a mixer, use a pastry blender or two knives to cut the fat into the flour.  After that is accomplished, add the ice cold water a tablespoon at a time until the crust comes together in a ball.  This usually takes 5-7 tablespoons, depending on the humidity and the brand of flour you use.  (If I'm not using my food processor I do this part with the dough hook on my mixer.)

Pour the crust mixture out on a lightly floured surface and bring together in a ball.  Divide into two pieces, pat into round disks about 4 inches in diameter, and wrap in plastic wrap.  Chill for at least 30 minutes.  Can be held overnight or frozen for future use.

When ready to put the pie together, bring the dough out of the refrigerator and use a rolling pin to make into a 12-inch circle.  Line a 9 or 10-inch pie plate with the dough.  Ease it into the corners at the bottom of the plate carefully.  If it tears, no worries, just piece it back together.

Repeat with the top crust - crimp edges to seal so that the juices won't run into the bottom of your oven.  (I usually bake mine on a cookie sheet lined with foil, just in case.)

Fruit Filling (I find that most fruit pies (not apple) use the same proportions fairly well.)
3 cups of fruit (raspberries, blackberries, cherries, peaches, rhubarb & apricots work well, often in combination)
1/2 to 3/4 cup granulated sugar, depending on taste
2 tablespoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons corn starch or tapioca
2 tablespoons butter, melted
(cherry and berry pies often benefit from the addition of 1/4 teaspoon of almond extract)

Mix filling ingredients together and place in prepared pie crust.  If you use frozen fruit, you may need to drain the excess juice, otherwise your pie may overflow it's borders.  Bake at 375-400 degrees for 30 minutes, check the pie, and if the pie is browning on the edges, turn the temperature down to 350.  Or you can over the pie loosely with aluminum foil, to keep it from browning too fast.

Struesel Topping
1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 cup oatmeal (old-fashioned or quick, not instant)

1/2 cup of butter, melted

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 teaspoon of salt

Mix ingredients together into a sandy mixture.  Sprinkle on top of fruit mixture in crust and bake as previously described.

Enjoy!

Peace, Deb

Is compromise a dirty word?

com-pro-mise (a noun)

1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc.; by reciprocal modification of demands.
2. The result of such a settlement.
3. something intermediate between different things.

All you have to do is listen to the news to hear the sentiment that compromise is a dirty word.  It seems that this idea runs like a river throughout every segment of our society - in our government, our churches, our schools and our families.  And while I really do believe that it's important to stand up strongly for the things that we believe in, I wonder how we can be willing to alienate those around us in the process, all for the claim of being "right."  

When I lived in North Dakota, I had the opportunity to volunteer for a wonderful organization, The Conflict Resolution Center.  It just so happened that my office at UND was in their building, and I became intrigued with what they did.  That first year I took a 50-hour training in Transformative Mediation, which seeks to help parties in conflict  acknowledge (and hopefully understand at least a little) the perspective of the other.  Sometimes parties were able to come to resolution through real compromise, each giving a little and making a middle ground with which both could live.  Sometimes people understood the other client's motivations, and were able to adjust their expectations.  And sometimes people just agreed to disagree.  The Center continues even ten years later to have a great record of helping members of communities, workplaces and families live more peaceful lives together.

This training and experience has been invaluable to me as a pastor and as a member of the varied communities in which I have lived.  I have seen great transformations come from listening and honoring the right that others have to their own opinions.  So you imagine that living near our nation's capital will be a challenge for me.  Even the local news is filled with disagreements that seem to radiate from the institutions of power.  And if it seems like I'm watching more Food Network here, that might be the reason.

Today in my devotion, I read a passage from Paul's letter to the Romans (Chapter 14 - I highly recommend the whole chapter in The Message translation).  In it he writes about how this new Christian community can live peacefully within a large group of people who do not share their beliefs.  Paul did not advocate pushing doctrinal beliefs on those around them.  Instead, he says that we are to live out our faith beliefs consistently and stop imposing our beliefs on others.  I am especially encouraged when he says, "So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault" (v19).  

It's easy to get pulled into the fray when everyone around you is losing their minds.  Paul's words are a good reminder that our lives are a reflection of who God is to us.  If we live with compassion (and in my mind, willingness to consider compromise), then that reflects well.  And so, my goal for the next year is to work hard to be a consensus builder and not give in to the way of distrust and needing to be right.  Wish me the peace of Christ in the process.

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently. (Romans 14:1 The Message)

Stuff is not just stuff

I spent part of today polishing silver.  We actually have very little, but the pieces we do have are very special,   like the salt and pepper shaker from Shawn's grandmother, and the tea biscuit container from Ms. Melia in Summerville, and the footed butter dish from Mrs. Bemis at my Alton church, who gifted it to me when she went to live in an assisted living center (be careful about saying you like something when you visit - you may end up giving it a permanent home).

As we have spent the last week unpacking from our most recent move, I have thought a lot about the things we have gathered over the years of our marriage and even before.  The things that we carry with us from house to house span the years of our lives, from our births to our recent birthdays.  And I think that I have been able to divide them into four categories.

Personal and Profound:  Obviously, these are the most important of our belongings.  Wedding photos, childhood mementos, treasured gifts and other belongings go in this category.  There is a story that goes with many of these items.  One of our packers was very chatty, and I was able to share with him the history of many of the items we keep in a glass-fronted bookcase that came from my grandmother's house.  It's not just the antique glass and childhood bank that mean something to us, it's also the piece of furniture itself that has great personal value.  It stood in my grandmother's house for decades, filled with books, and over the years I read every one of them, including Peyton Place when I was 14.  We refinished it and replaced the glass when it was broken in our second and third moves.  We watch them carefully wrap it with each move, placing layers of cardboard over the doors to protect them from being broken again.  And each time we set it up, we tell the stories of the items we place inside.  This bookcase is a mirror into our pasts, and tells not only a part of our stories, but the stories of our families and the love that we all share. 

Fond Memories:  There are a lot of these items roaming around our house.  We still love the cake cover and wine glasses we got from squadron friends at our wedding.  We regularly use items that were given as farewell gifts from friends at different churches and bases.  Each time we see them, they remind us of lives shared well, and how blessed we are to have friendships that have withstood the test of time.

Might Need Someday:  This comprises a lot of what we have gone through this week.  Many of our boxes have been in storage since before we left for Germany in 2004. We started going through them before we moved, and we loaded up the back of my Avalanche four times with household items, books and furniture to take to Goodwill or the church yard sale.  And still, I already have four boxes of the same kind of stuff to go out for the Purple Heart truck next week when they come to our street.  These are the things we used someplace, and thought we might need again, but lived without for almost seven years.  Hopefully these items will find a good home with people who need what they can provide.

No Clue:  And then there are these items - half burned candles, broken lampshades and brittle, sun-fried plastic flowerpots, bags of packing peanuts, and magazines and journals from 1995.  These items have been properly disposed of (our trash and recycling people were very busy today), and tomorrow when the unpacked boxes are taken away, my spouse will be able to pull his car into the garage, which is why we have really been working so hard all week.

Our stuff is more than just stuff.  It is an accumulation of things, but also represents the phases and relationships of our lives.  Don't worry - when all is said and done, we'll still have a lot of stuff, but I hope be can be more mindful of how it can be useful in the present, and mindful of people we love. 

I am still wrestling with Jesus' challenge to leave behind the things of the world in order to follow him.  Maybe clearing out the clutter will take me one step closer to what he intended life to be about.

Peace, Deb

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?  What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.  People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."  (Matthew 6:^30-33  The Message)

I remember when...

So, we've all heard someone say, "I remember when..."  Maybe it has even been one of us.  Sometimes this statement is preface to a great memory... a wedding, the birth of a child, a funny situation from childhood or something crazy we did with friends.  But other times this statement is the preface to a story of a different kind... a story which reflects the belief that things were better, safer, or more honorable in a time that is past or before some significant change occurred.


We hear this a lot today - in the church and in society.  Some people believe that life would be good if there was never any change, or if we could go back to the way things used to be, as if that would be a magical cure to all that is wrong with the world.  But think of what we would have to "give back" if we were miraculously able to go back in time.  think about conveniences like smartphones and the internet... innovations in medicine and machinery... and for me, relationships that would have never materialized if things always stayed the same.


I remember than when I talked to my parents about going to seminary, my mom was worried, because her dad was a minister, and she wanted a more stable life for me than she remembered growing up.   And I must admit that I took her concerns seriously, and prepared to be able to come and leave and come again.  (Little did she know that I would meet and marry a wonderful man who really give me a mobile lifestyle.)  It has not always been easy, and I have not always been happy right away in new situations.  But I think that I am the better for all the changes in my life.  And I hope that I have made a difference in the lives of people that I have known and loved.  So I can give thanks everyday for the opportunities that I have had to do new and different things and to live in lots of different kinds of places.


But the price I have the pay is going on around me... the sound of crinkling paper and tape being pulled and boxes being filled.  These are long days, and there are long days on the other end, too.  But in the end, this change means good things, if only because we get to decide that good will come from all that happens around us.  


We each get to choose how we react and respond to the change that goes on in our lives and in the world.  The life that I live calls me not only to serve Christ in my heart, but live out that life in my relationships with others.  Remember this: Joyful and compassionate people make for joyful and compassionate communities, and together, we can do anything.  Paul's words to the Colossians help us learn how do live these kinds of lives.  May these words be written in our hearts and lived out in our lives as we all face the change before us, now and in the time to come.  


Peace, Deb 


Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14 NIV)

How to make a new life

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9-11 The Message)

It's that time again.   Soon our home will be visited by men and women who will wrap things up and place them in cardboard boxes or wrap them in heavy blankets, accompanied by the sounds of crinkling paper and tape being despensed.  And at the end of all of their efforts, they will load our possessions into a large truck and drive it down the highway to our new life.  It's all really exhausting to think about, and these last weeks will be filled with both joy and sorrow, just as they have in the past.

I counted the other day.  This is my ninth move in sixteen years as an Air Force spouse (eleventh if you count moving into Shawn's house when we got married and moving to a second house in Oklahoma).  And before that I moved five other times, not even counting moving into and out of the dorms at college and grad school for seven years.  So you think that I would be used to all of this activity, both physical and emotional.  And in some ways I am, but even so, this process stirs up many different emotions, each and every time.

I remember the feeling of watching my friends Rachel and Bill drive away, leaving me to start a new life at Duke Divinity School.  This chapter of my life would have been entitled, "Got Call?."  I can still hear the little voice in my head saying, "What have you done?"  And there were several sleepless nights while I tried to push down my panic, and many prayers that I had not embarked on a fool's errand.  That first day at Duke was overwhelming, and as I walked to the parking lot after orientation, I remember there was another woman walking with me.  We started chatting, and somewhere in the conversation I let out the fact that I was headed home to watch my favorite soap opera.  Wouldn't you know it was hers, too.  And so a friendship began.

Twenty-four years later, our friendship is still strong.  I don't even know if she still watches General Hospital, but now it doesn't matter, because we have some many other things in common, and many shared experiences.  One reason I'm happy to go to our next assignment is that she will be only four hours away. I hope we get to spend some wonderful time together.

Everywhere we move, I get this same feeling of mild panic, and wonder the same thing: How will I make a life in this place?  In the beginning, it was a real question.  Now it's more of an affirmation of the limits of my own power to control the future.  I think I was prepared for this kind of life when I was just a member of the Methodist clergy, but add to that my other identity as a member of a military family, and it's all a little bit crazy.  (Someone once told me I'm taking iteneracy way too seriously.)  The physical task of packing, cleaning and unpacking does take it's toll, but it's also hard to say goodbye to friends who have come to mean a lot to me, even in only 10 months.  And so I work hard to see these friendships as gifts, given and received, and I give thanks for them everyday.  And then there is the questions surrounding new friendships and activities:  "Where will we worship?"  "Will I be able to get an appointment at the clinic?"  "Mahjongg, anyone?" and the ever-important "Will people like me?"

When I look to my new life just 400 miles away, I know that God is preparing a place for me to love and be loved, to serve and to live.  I know this because this has always been true in the past, and I trust it is true for the future, now and forever.  I will admit that this move is made a little easier because there are already so many that I know and love close to our new location.  Now I just have to remember that it's not going to be the same as before, and to take whatever comes as new gifts to be received and used well.

So how do you make a new life?  You give thanks for the experience you are leaving and be ready to receive all that is to come.  And know that God is everywhere, binding the hurts, healing the pain, and make a future to be lived with full gusto and unafraid.

So here we go.  Take a deep breath - ready, set.... MOVE!

Peace, Deb

PS - I still watch GH, just in case you were wondering.

This life is a risky business...

Our society is obsessed with safety.  We want to keep ourselves, our children and our world as safe as possible.  And so we develop technologies and techniques to help us feel like we are taking the minimum amount of risk.  For instance, our cars are equipped with airbags and shoulder harnesses.  Our children sit in car or booster seats until they are reaching adolescence.  Many children play inside because they don't feel safe playing outdoors.  And most of us have stopped talking to strangers... it is as if we believe that the only people we can trust are the ones we know. 

I don't think that's the way it's supposed to be.  I like talking to people in airports and grocery stores... the more anonymous, the better.  And while many look at me like I am little bit crazy, I'm always amazed at the generous reaction that some people have to these spontaneous offers of community.  I had a great conversation with a woman in the security line at the airport in February.  It went something like this... I smiled... she smiled... I made a comment about how much I was looking forward to the coming spring.  She remarked that we still had a lot of winter left to live (she was right).  I had watched her say goodbye to a family at the security entrance, so I asked, "Leaving home or going home?"  She talked about how much fun she had with her daughter's family.  Then the tables turned.  "How about you?  Going home or someplace else."  I replied, "I'm going to help out with my mother-in-law who has just entered hospice care at home."  "Oh," she said.  "I did that with my mom.  I hope it's a wonderful experience for you because it was for me."  'I"m sure it will be," I said.  "I love her very much." "I'll  keep you in my prayers," she said.  And we walked on our way to take off our coats and scarves and shoes for the waiting officials. 

We had made a connection... experienced a little bit of community.  What started as an inconsequential encounter left an impression on me.  But it took a tiny risk to make that connection possible.  And since then, I've thought a lot about what makes me willing to risk rejection from perfect strangers.  Here are some of the things that have given me the courage to step out in faith to make a stranger a friend.

First, my mom can make friends with anyone, at the drop of a hat, so I think I get it honestly.  Shawn's mom was exactly the same way.  The cashiers and baggers at her grocery store even came to her funeral.  It might be in my DNA but it's also been modeled to me by the people who are important in my life.  Second, somewhere along the way, I got taught that if people don't respond it's not because they are rejecting me personally.  Talking to me might be outside their comfort zone, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.  Third, I have seen how these little conversations have led to actual friendships.  As a military spouse and a pastor, I often talk with people who may or may not know who I am, but being approachable and willing to say "Hi" and smile can go a long way toward beginning a lifelong friendship.  And fourth, I think that this is the what Paul was talking about when he wrote in 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3.  We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. (NIV)  

This willingness to take the risk of friendship, service and even rejection are all a part of my call as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  We often think it's the grand gestures that make the biggest difference.  But it's the small steps that help us practice living our faith everyday.  And if we practice small risks on a daily basis, we'll be ready to step out in faith when the big risks come, prompted by love and inspired by hope in the one who calls us to this crazy, risky life.  In those two weeks that followed my last trip to Michigan, I thought of this stranger, this new friend, praying for me and for our family, and it gave me peace.  Her smile and her prayers remind me that if we are not willing to take the risk, we will miss out on the many blessings in store for us along the way.

When we left North Dakota, I cried all the way to the Minnesota/Wisconsin border.  My husband finally said, "Nobody cries this hard when they leave North Dakota."  And when I told him I was sad to leave all of my friends, he said, "Maybe at this next place you shouldn't make so many friends."  (Ten years later he can honestly say I looked at him as if he had two heads.)  I replied, "Look, you have two choices.  I can make new friends and be sad to leave, or not make any friends and be miserable all the time."  "Are those my only two choices?" he asked.  "Yes," I replied.  He just shook his head, thinking he had come up with the perfect solution, but not understanding that it just wasn't who I am.

Many of my friends are preparing to go to new assignments and appointments this summer.  Others will stay where they are, but people they love will leave.  There are often tears in the midst of the transition, and all of us wonder if taking the friendship risk and having to say goodbye are worth all of the strain and pain.  And after 10 Air Force moves and serving 4 ministry locations, I can say without hesitation, yes it is. 

So go with God... and know that this life is a risky business... and we are not alone.

Peace, Deb

Loving is a way of life...

I'm volunteering at a church in Rhode Island and enjoying it very much.  I've been meeting with a group women weekly for study, prayer and support.  In these last seven months, we have grown in friendship and in faith.  We have read books and scripture together.  We have shared our joys and sorrows.  We have laughed and we have cried.  Our time together is valued and valuable.  We are sisters together in Christ.

Someone from the congregation told me our study titles sounded like a self-help section at the local book store.  I'm not sure if it was meant to be a compliment, but after thinking about it, I have decided that I will take it as a one.  You see, I think that we can study scripture all day and night, but if we can't figure out how to apply it to the way we live, it's just an intellectual exercise.  The pastoral letters are good about teaching theology and practice.  Paul was especially adept at challenging wayward behavior, and then showing the people a better way to live out their faith.

Today our class looked at a small passage from I John 4: 7-16.  I thought that it was especially helpful in light of the sweeping events of the last few days. How do you love in a world that is riddled with conflict, disagreement and hatred and war.  This is what I learned:

1. Loving others is a reflection of the way that we love God.  If we don't love others, then we are not living our the love or our lives the way that God wants us to live.
2. Loving others means looking at others through God's eyes.  That means putting the name of the most difficult or hated person you know in this sentence: "Whoever does not love _______ does not know God, because God is love."  This takes love to a whole new level.  How can we do this?  The simple answer is that we cannot do this by ourselves .
3. Loving others puts our love of God to the test.  This is the place where growth happens...  where prayer and scripture and Christian friendship help us to look past our own needs and wants and to the needs and wants of others.  This kind of love brings to bear all the difficult choices, like learning to love even when we disagree, and compromise in the midst of difficult choices.  It means accepting people where they are and hopefully loving them to a new place, and hoping they will do the same for us.

As a Christian, I have realized that I can not do this alone.  I need the tools of faith to help me to grow.  I need to be faithful in prayer and worship, in study and practice, to do the easy thing and the hard thing.  I need friends who will support and challenge and correct me when I need it.  I need to learn not just to trust that God has me in the palm of his hand, but also my enemy.  God is big enough to hold and love us all.  Who knows what joy is in store for us if we will only put love at the top of our to-do list every day?

I know that loving God has changed me.  I have seen it also change others.  What kind of world would this be if we all trusted that love will bring us together, even if we don't all look and act and live alike?  May God's grace fill me and help me to go on to perfection every day in every way.  And may we grow in faith together, loving God and one another more each day, even when it is the most difficult thing we have thought we could never do.

This quote is attributed to John Wesley, but even if he didn't say it just like this, it works for me: 

       “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”

Peace, Deb

Thanks to Christianity Today for publishing the study entitled, "Getting Along With People," downloadable from their website.

Sharing is a blessing, indeed.

When I was preparing for ordination in 1993, someone asked me, "Where do you see yourself in ministry in 10 years?"  I answered, "I have no idea.  I've spent a lot of time telling God what I was willing to do for him, and somehow I am always led in a direction I didn't imagine, so I'm going to go where God sends me and try to be a blessing."

It's been 18 years since that conversation, and certainly my life has been different from most of my clergy friends.  Some of them tell me I'm taking itinerancy much too seriously, as we are preparing for our 10th military move in 16 years.  I've been very blessed.  I have served 3 appointments in the last 15 years, while at the same time trying to be a blessing to my military family.  And in the times when I haven't been appointed to pastor churches or other ministries, I have had the opportunity to share my gifts with people at local churches and military chapels.  Every place we have lived, God has opened up ministry to me. 

Today I am especially grateful to my friend, Amy Alletzhauser, senior minister at Calvary UMC in Middletown, RI.  She has shared her church with me on many levels, allowing me the privilege to preach, teach and provide other leadership in the congregation.  It's always kind of amazing to me that she does not see me as competition, but as a partner in ministry.  Her generosity is a model to the congregation as she shows people how to love and be vulnerable with someone who may not be around for too long.  We have found that ever though we went to different seminaries, we have friends in common.  Our appointment experiences are different, but the love we share for Christ and the church draw us together as sisters in Christ and in ministry to the United Methodist Church. 

It's hard for people and churches to welcome and enfold families and individuals who may not be around too long.  Military families certainly fall into this category, but so do many other kinds of careers.  After a while, many these folks sort of give up looking for a place of acceptance outside of the military community if they haven't found it after a few tries.  But it doesn't have to be that way. 

If you are part of a stable community that has a semi-transient population, think about how you can welcome people, even if they are only there for a short time.  Encourage them to participate, share, and be in ministry with you.  Listen to their ideas - many of them have been a lot of places and had many good experiences that could make your ministry more fruitful.  Help them to feel loved.  More likely than not, they will tell their friends, "Hey, you should come check out my church," and that can be a blessing for all.

If you are one of those folks that is moving on a frequent schedule, don't give up.  Keep looking for that place where God is calling you to love, be loved and serve.  Our faith is often crystallized in the struggle, and we come out on the end stronger in our faith.  I know from personal experience that it's hard to put yourself out there, but you and others will be blessed for your efforts. 

I have been doing this "moving thing" for long enough to know that God will provide... friends, community, and fellowship in Christ.  It doesn't mean that moving times are not filled with anxiety, but it helps to know that there is calm at the end of the storm.  Jesus' resurrection is not just a one-time event.  Resurrection is occurring around us all the time... we just have to practice seeing it from the middle of the storm.

As many military and clergy families are preparing to move to new jobs and communities, let's all remember, "Sharing is a blessing."  If we are all willing to share together in the life to which Christ calls us, then we will truly know what it means to be blessed.  Indeed.

Peace in Christ, Deb