So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9-11 The Message)
It's that time again. Soon our home will be visited by men and women who will wrap things up and place them in cardboard boxes or wrap them in heavy blankets, accompanied by the sounds of crinkling paper and tape being despensed. And at the end of all of their efforts, they will load our possessions into a large truck and drive it down the highway to our new life. It's all really exhausting to think about, and these last weeks will be filled with both joy and sorrow, just as they have in the past.
I counted the other day. This is my ninth move in sixteen years as an Air Force spouse (eleventh if you count moving into Shawn's house when we got married and moving to a second house in Oklahoma). And before that I moved five other times, not even counting moving into and out of the dorms at college and grad school for seven years. So you think that I would be used to all of this activity, both physical and emotional. And in some ways I am, but even so, this process stirs up many different emotions, each and every time.
I remember the feeling of watching my friends Rachel and Bill drive away, leaving me to start a new life at Duke Divinity School. This chapter of my life would have been entitled, "Got Call?." I can still hear the little voice in my head saying, "What have you done?" And there were several sleepless nights while I tried to push down my panic, and many prayers that I had not embarked on a fool's errand. That first day at Duke was overwhelming, and as I walked to the parking lot after orientation, I remember there was another woman walking with me. We started chatting, and somewhere in the conversation I let out the fact that I was headed home to watch my favorite soap opera. Wouldn't you know it was hers, too. And so a friendship began.
Twenty-four years later, our friendship is still strong. I don't even know if she still watches General Hospital, but now it doesn't matter, because we have some many other things in common, and many shared experiences. One reason I'm happy to go to our next assignment is that she will be only four hours away. I hope we get to spend some wonderful time together.
Everywhere we move, I get this same feeling of mild panic, and wonder the same thing: How will I make a life in this place? In the beginning, it was a real question. Now it's more of an affirmation of the limits of my own power to control the future. I think I was prepared for this kind of life when I was just a member of the Methodist clergy, but add to that my other identity as a member of a military family, and it's all a little bit crazy. (Someone once told me I'm taking iteneracy way too seriously.) The physical task of packing, cleaning and unpacking does take it's toll, but it's also hard to say goodbye to friends who have come to mean a lot to me, even in only 10 months. And so I work hard to see these friendships as gifts, given and received, and I give thanks for them everyday. And then there is the questions surrounding new friendships and activities: "Where will we worship?" "Will I be able to get an appointment at the clinic?" "Mahjongg, anyone?" and the ever-important "Will people like me?"
When I look to my new life just 400 miles away, I know that God is preparing a place for me to love and be loved, to serve and to live. I know this because this has always been true in the past, and I trust it is true for the future, now and forever. I will admit that this move is made a little easier because there are already so many that I know and love close to our new location. Now I just have to remember that it's not going to be the same as before, and to take whatever comes as new gifts to be received and used well.
So how do you make a new life? You give thanks for the experience you are leaving and be ready to receive all that is to come. And know that God is everywhere, binding the hurts, healing the pain, and make a future to be lived with full gusto and unafraid.
So here we go. Take a deep breath - ready, set.... MOVE!
Peace, Deb
PS - I still watch GH, just in case you were wondering.
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