Is compromise a dirty word?

com-pro-mise (a noun)

1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc.; by reciprocal modification of demands.
2. The result of such a settlement.
3. something intermediate between different things.

All you have to do is listen to the news to hear the sentiment that compromise is a dirty word.  It seems that this idea runs like a river throughout every segment of our society - in our government, our churches, our schools and our families.  And while I really do believe that it's important to stand up strongly for the things that we believe in, I wonder how we can be willing to alienate those around us in the process, all for the claim of being "right."  

When I lived in North Dakota, I had the opportunity to volunteer for a wonderful organization, The Conflict Resolution Center.  It just so happened that my office at UND was in their building, and I became intrigued with what they did.  That first year I took a 50-hour training in Transformative Mediation, which seeks to help parties in conflict  acknowledge (and hopefully understand at least a little) the perspective of the other.  Sometimes parties were able to come to resolution through real compromise, each giving a little and making a middle ground with which both could live.  Sometimes people understood the other client's motivations, and were able to adjust their expectations.  And sometimes people just agreed to disagree.  The Center continues even ten years later to have a great record of helping members of communities, workplaces and families live more peaceful lives together.

This training and experience has been invaluable to me as a pastor and as a member of the varied communities in which I have lived.  I have seen great transformations come from listening and honoring the right that others have to their own opinions.  So you imagine that living near our nation's capital will be a challenge for me.  Even the local news is filled with disagreements that seem to radiate from the institutions of power.  And if it seems like I'm watching more Food Network here, that might be the reason.

Today in my devotion, I read a passage from Paul's letter to the Romans (Chapter 14 - I highly recommend the whole chapter in The Message translation).  In it he writes about how this new Christian community can live peacefully within a large group of people who do not share their beliefs.  Paul did not advocate pushing doctrinal beliefs on those around them.  Instead, he says that we are to live out our faith beliefs consistently and stop imposing our beliefs on others.  I am especially encouraged when he says, "So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault" (v19).  

It's easy to get pulled into the fray when everyone around you is losing their minds.  Paul's words are a good reminder that our lives are a reflection of who God is to us.  If we live with compassion (and in my mind, willingness to consider compromise), then that reflects well.  And so, my goal for the next year is to work hard to be a consensus builder and not give in to the way of distrust and needing to be right.  Wish me the peace of Christ in the process.

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently. (Romans 14:1 The Message)