Life in the military community is filled with lots of opportunities... to experience new places, make new friends, learn new ways of doing things. It is also very challenging, because it seems that we are forever starting over. I'm sure that part of it is what helps some people say, "It was a good life, but I'm done." For others, they adopt the attitude, "I'll keep doing it as long as it's fun - and as long as I feel like we're making a difference." I think that's where we are right now... that, and not really knowing what we want to be when we grow up.
I know that the phrase "the long goodbye" is often used in relationship to illnesses that slowly take people away from their families, often leaving an unrecognizable shell of the person once admired and respected by many. But I think that within both the military and the ministry communities there is another kind of "long goodbye." This is the time between when you find out that you (or your friend or pastor) are moving and the time you actually drive out of town.
My grandfather was a Methodist preacher in Louisiana beginning in the 1930's. They had annual conference in the fall, close to Thanksgiving. (The Annual Conference is a regional connection of congregations and ministers headed by a bishop where business is done and ministry is planned and celebrated.) And at the end of the conference, the bishop announced where the ministers would serve for the next year. There were plenty of years that my grandfather came home and said, "Marie, let's start packing, we're moving to a new place." And within a matter of weeks, they would be on the road with their three children, ready to being new ministry in another part of the state.
Today, ministerial appointments work much the same way, except that there is a consultation process, where ministers and churches get some say-so in whether or not there is a move, and what the needs of each are if a move does happen. Family situations are taken in account, with many clergy spouses working in important and significant jobs. There is even an introductory visit, where committees and pastors meet to begin sharing hopes and dreams for the future, all in anticipation of what is to come.
In the military world, members can find out from six months (or more) to six weeks (or less) that they are headed someplace new. But there really is no consultation process to speak of, except for filling out a "dream sheet" for jobs and bases with interesting possibilities. Ultimately, people are moved based on needs rather than wants, and if you get an assignment that you wanted, you feel really blessed.
All of this sets up the point of this post... in both worlds, there is a lot of time to say goodbye.
Some people respond by withdrawing. If you're the mover, it's really easy to focus all of your attention on what's in front you, so it's not surprising that some people just take a step back from their current situation and focus on the future. Likewise, if you're the stayer, it's easy to wonder how much you want to invest in a friendship that will soon end.
Others stay fully committed to their current situation, believing that the future will come soon enough. Sometimes they become even more committed to their friends and jobs, making sure that all of their energy is focused on what they can see right before them.
And then there are folks somewhere in between... trying to balance what is with what will be. Trying to be present with people in the here and now, but also looking with anticipation to what lies ahead.
Now each of these paths can exist at the same time - with the movers and the stayers - and so it takes some honest conversation to negotiate these paths well.
Today, the spouses in our Group gave me a farewell lunch. It was wonderful, and I am so appreciative for all the hard work that went into making it a special day. I am gladdened and astonished that these women, some who work, some with little children, would venture to downtown Spokane for a lunch out, and pay for parking, to top it all off. There was laughter and stories, and we shed a few tears. But in the end I told them - I'm not leaving for six more weeks, so it's too soon to cry and say our final goodbyes.
I also asked them to keep us in their thoughts as we move back to a place we really enjoyed before - a place that will be familiar, but different. And to accept the gifts of the new leadership family, just the way they did for us. I am trying hard to balance the need to be present and to let go. And it's really hard. But also necessary for a successful transition for all.
We have had both long and short notice assignments. We found out that we were coming to Washington State almost seven months before we actually got here. We have also gotten the last minute call... you have to be in your new assignment in three weeks, get packing! Both present certain challenges, with positives and negatives along the way. But ultimately a good move - a healthy move - is about realizing that you are a part of an organization that has a life - a rhythm - a history - a purpose. With each move I learn again how God uses my gifts and the gifts of others in unique ways, and that if we are willing to work together, we will be exactly what our community needs for the days before us.
Tonight I saw this quote on the Weavings Magazine Facebook page. It says much better how I understand how God wants me to respond to all of the changes that lie ahead.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone — Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, page 81.
And here's another thing I've learned... with some people there is never really a "goodbye." Some friendships endure time and distance and different journeys. In both the military and the church, we keep connecting with the same people. Certainly email and social media make this even easier today, but I am absolutely sure than many of my best friendship would have endured, no matter what. What a gift, indeed.
Blessings in this season of "goodbye" and "hello." Give thanks for time together, and for new friendships to come.
Peace, Deb
Coming next - "The Evidence of Plenty"
All of this sets up the point of this post... in both worlds, there is a lot of time to say goodbye.
Some people respond by withdrawing. If you're the mover, it's really easy to focus all of your attention on what's in front you, so it's not surprising that some people just take a step back from their current situation and focus on the future. Likewise, if you're the stayer, it's easy to wonder how much you want to invest in a friendship that will soon end.
Others stay fully committed to their current situation, believing that the future will come soon enough. Sometimes they become even more committed to their friends and jobs, making sure that all of their energy is focused on what they can see right before them.
And then there are folks somewhere in between... trying to balance what is with what will be. Trying to be present with people in the here and now, but also looking with anticipation to what lies ahead.
Now each of these paths can exist at the same time - with the movers and the stayers - and so it takes some honest conversation to negotiate these paths well.
I also asked them to keep us in their thoughts as we move back to a place we really enjoyed before - a place that will be familiar, but different. And to accept the gifts of the new leadership family, just the way they did for us. I am trying hard to balance the need to be present and to let go. And it's really hard. But also necessary for a successful transition for all.
We have had both long and short notice assignments. We found out that we were coming to Washington State almost seven months before we actually got here. We have also gotten the last minute call... you have to be in your new assignment in three weeks, get packing! Both present certain challenges, with positives and negatives along the way. But ultimately a good move - a healthy move - is about realizing that you are a part of an organization that has a life - a rhythm - a history - a purpose. With each move I learn again how God uses my gifts and the gifts of others in unique ways, and that if we are willing to work together, we will be exactly what our community needs for the days before us.
Tonight I saw this quote on the Weavings Magazine Facebook page. It says much better how I understand how God wants me to respond to all of the changes that lie ahead.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone — Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, page 81.
And here's another thing I've learned... with some people there is never really a "goodbye." Some friendships endure time and distance and different journeys. In both the military and the church, we keep connecting with the same people. Certainly email and social media make this even easier today, but I am absolutely sure than many of my best friendship would have endured, no matter what. What a gift, indeed.
Blessings in this season of "goodbye" and "hello." Give thanks for time together, and for new friendships to come.
Peace, Deb
Coming next - "The Evidence of Plenty"
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