Erroneous Assumptions

image credit www.brianporolli.com 

“It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”  -- Abraham Harold Maslow

"We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions." -- Stephen R Covey

The summer between my first and second years of seminary, I served as a pastoral intern at a church in North Carolina.  This helped me to put into practice some of the things that I learned at school, determine that parish ministry was still my planned professional goal, and earned me a hefty scholarship to pay for my second year of school.  At our monthly intern meetings, we would share things that we were experiencing in our churches, and I was struck at a major difference between the experiences of the men and the women interns in our midst.

The first month, the single men told stories about all the different people in their congregations who had invited them for meals.  The second month, most of them wanted advice on how to get their congregants to stop arranging dates for them with their daughters, nieces, granddaughters and neighbors.  I looked around and noticed that none of the single women interns were having that problem.  In fact, it turned out that we were spending a lot of evenings alone.  I remember that while people were very kind (for the most part), most of them didn't really know what to do with me. It was as if they were asking themselves these questions: Do we have anything in common? Is it a problem that she is still single at almost 30?  Are women supposed to be ministers?

Looking back almost 25 years, I never knew how formative that was for me.  I see how people made erroneous assumptions about me and my ministry.  Some assumed that I was trading in a personal life for a professional one.  Others thought I didn't want to marry and have a family.  Somewhere deep inside, I felt like they couldn't see me as a whole person, and in my attempt to raise my professional profile, I tried to be super-efficient in the way I did ministry.  Instead of challenging the way they thought about me (and women clergy in general), I bought into their erroneous assumption and worked my fingers to the bone. I got a great evaluation that summer, but I'm not sure that I did much to change the way they thought about women and ministry, as a whole.  And because I didn't make any close personal relationships with anyone, I have never been in touch with any of them again.

A few years later, I again bought into an erroneous assumption - the ones that says that women ministers were not supposed to look like, well, women.  One winter night, I wore dress slacks to a mid-week service at the church where I served.  The next day, 25 people called the church office to complain.  It took almost 20 years for me to wear pants again while leading worship.  At every church since, even as a volunteer, I made sure that I looked totally professional, but not too feminine.  In my need to fulfill an erroneous expectation, I'm not sure I did me or the women who followed me a good service.

Last month, I watched the coverage of the Trayvon Martin trial and its aftermath.  And I've been thinking about the assumptions we make about others based on what they look like, what they do, and who we expect them to be.  Race, age, weight, unusual looks or hobbies - these are just a few of the things that can have the effect of separating us from others rather than drawing us together, in spite of the other things we may have in common.

On July 19th, President Obama surprised the White House briefing room by making a very personal statement about the trial and the conversations swirling around the country.  (If you didn't see it, click here.) He proclaimed his confidence in the way that the Zimmerman trial was conducted.  He gave us an insight into his experience as a black man, where the assumption is that he will do something wrong if given the chance. And he asked that we as a society not dismiss the African American experience just because it may not be our own.

We often make erroneous assumptions about others out of fear.  But Jesus calls us to live in love and to look at people in the way we would want to be looked at by them.  He calls us to redefine what it means to be in relationship with one another, and to look for new ways to see each other, all through the lens of love.

This is exactly what Jesus' ministry was all about.  He challenged the assumptions of the world around him and called people to a new way of living.  He hung out with people the world considered outcasts and he challenged the powers of the world to examine their behaviours and intentions.  And ultimately, they killed him for it.  But God did not let it all end there.  The resurrection is all the evidence we need to know that our assumptions about the way the world is supposed to work may not be true.  The Church should be the place where we can support one another in seeing life through new eyes and witnessing to the world a new way of living.

Last night I was thinking about the idea of "neighborhood watch."  In the dictionary, it's defined as a group of people who are devoted to crime and vandalism prevention.  But what if we took "neighborhood watch" to a whole new level?  What if is became the way that we looked out for one another, taking the opportunity to recognize the people who live around us, and make our neighborhoods a more inviting place to live?

I know, it will take a lot of work... a lot of risk... a lot of trust.  But I will be worth it all.  We have so much to learn.

Peace, Deb

[Jesus said,] "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:3 NRSV