Days of Infamy

I got up in the middle of the night on Thursday to write this post.  It had been rolling around in my head for a couple of days and I just couldn't sleep until I put my hands to keys.

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"December 7, 1941... a day that will live in infamy."  These words were spoken by Franklin Roosevelt before a joint session of Congress to formally announce the attack on Pearl Harbor, and signaled our full participation in World War II.  But more that entering the war, that day changed something about the American experience. After that day, we thought differently about ourselves and one another.

I have thought of those words and their sentiment a lot in the last four weeks.  I looked back over my life and remembered other days of infamy.  Some of them have become memorable only in retrospect, like my baptismal day - August 29, 1959.  Others are shared events which seem to change everything.  September 11, 2001 is one of those days. I looked at the world differently after that morning.  And I saw myself in a new way, too.  For the first time, I understood that my calling was not just about serving churches and bringing home a pay check.  Instead, it was about being a representative for Christ in a world that could barely process what it had experienced and seen.  It was about meeting people where they were... proclaiming a word of hope... and using my gifts and training in ways I had never expected.

Since then, there have been seven more Air Force moves... seven moving vans... seven trips back and forth across the country and the ocean... seven sets of goodbyes and hellos... seven churches and chapels and communities of faith in which to put my trust and service.

And just when I thought I had it mostly figured out, here came another day.  May 3, 2013... that is the date when the world changed again for me.  I have been a pastor for twenty-two years, and a military spouse for over eighteen.  But on this day, the unthinkable happened.  A KC-135 air refueling aircraft crashed overseas, killing all three airmen aboard.  In your mind, you know that this can happen.  As a command spouse, you go to training so that you know what to expect.  But when the call comes, it's almost paralyzing.  All those lessons are momentarily forgotten as you ask the question, "What now?"

Just two days earlier, I had wrapped up a study on the book of Romans at the base chapel.  In our last night's discussion, we talked at length about the passages in Romans 8.  So I knew in my head and in my heart that even though the darkness seemed to be crowding in, that we were not abandoned by God.  "Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord" (Romans 8:39). That became my mantra, and I shared that message with everyone who could hear it.

And just this week, I heard these verses with fresh ears, "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?'  And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" (Isaiah 6:8).

Military members die.  They know that is a possibility when they commit to this life of service.  As their spouses, we also know it is a possibility.  But I did not fully appreciate the sacrifice that these members and their families make until I stood on the flight line beside my husband and watched our airmen come home for a final time.  I felt the burden of war and service most acutely in that moment.  And I cried silent tears for the loss of amazing young leaders, two sons and a daughter, a husband and a wife, a father and a mother, and for all the hopes and dreams that can no longer be fulfilled in the ways originally imagined.

And now I understand something my Methodist minister grandfather used to say: "It's times like these that will either drive you to the bottle or to your knees."  Thank goodness I have found out that my arthritic knees are a whole lot stronger than I had imagined them to be.

The funerals and memorial services are complete.  The extended families will be returning home soon.  And we will still be here, caring for our surviving families and for one another.  And all I ask is that God will give us the strength and courage to run the race before us as a marathon and not a sprint.  We have a long way to go.  Pray for us.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  (Romans 8:27-29)

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The original post ended here, and I wrestled back and forth on whether to even post or not.  My friend Meredith read it and said yes, but still I hesitated.  But then my friend Shelly posted an update from her first annual conference meeting.  This quote from the bishop there echoes the swirl of emotions that we all experience in the midst of struggles and disappointments. His challenge is exactly what I needed to hear... God works through the pain to show us a bigger world and a better plan that we can make for ourselves. 

There’s no way around it. Real life’s really tough. You do things you regret, suffer for no apparent reason and have to deal with bad people who do horrible things. No wonder you yearn for God to give you what you can never get on your own – peace, security and sanctuary from all those things that threaten to overwhelm you. But don’t look for God to wave a heavenly magic wand that makes all of your troubles go away. In fact, sometimes God actually wants your life to be more difficult because God needs you to do some things that are risky, scary and, frankly, may seem impossible. Like not hiding from others’ suffering, but reaching out to share God’s transforming love. Not running away from problems, but getting involved to make a difference. And not turning your back on people who make you uncomfortable, but reaching out to them as sisters and brothers. But something amazing happens every single time you do God’s difficult things – you discover more purpose, meaning and, even, joy than you can possibly imagine. So step out boldly in faith today. Don’t ask God to make your life easy. Instead, ask God to show you how you can share God’s love – even if it is exceedingly difficult. - Bishop Gary Mueller, Great New Jersey Annual Conference United Methodist Church. 

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.   Micah 6:8

Peace, Deb