Story 1: When I was growing up, my grandfather Theo
Luther told me two things that I had total confidence in… that eating chicken
wings would make me pretty and that I was Little Debbie. Wings are still my
favorite part of the chicken, but I was crushed to find out on the first day of
first grade that I, in truth, am NOT Little Debbie – my hopes and dreams crushed
on the playground after school. And I was mad. I cried all the way home and
made my mom call him so I could yell at him for telling me a “story.” His
reply, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings… but you’ll always be My Little
Debbie.” And that’s what I wanted all along. But I did look at myself
differently after that day.
Story 2: We got a new Oldsmobile station wagon when I
was in junior high school and it came with – wait for it – an 8-track tape
player and a nifty demo tape with about 10 songs on it. We all had our
favorites and we practically wore the tape out, even after we bought new ones. And on the cassette was the famous Frankie
Valli ballad, “My Eyes Adored You.” But what I heard was, “my eyes of Georgia…”
I couldn’t figure out what that meant, but it wasn’t until I was in college
that I realized my mistake, and am in fact, confessing my error for the first
time today. I listened to it this week, and I do still hear the wrong words,
but I know that the truth is something else.
There are some things you just believe – at least
until you find out differently.
There are lots of Bible passages that have this problem.
People have heard them taught and preached on many occasions and are led to
believe that they mean something specific when they actually mean something
general. John 3:16 is one of those passages – You know it… “For God so loved
the world that he gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him may
not perish but may have eternal life.” In this verse, most people focus on the
idea of belief – you are saved if you believe in Jesus. But when you add in
verse 17, everything changes. “Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world
to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”
Once you put them together, you see a whole new emphasis… Jesus was sent to
save the whole world.
And today’s Hebrew Bible passage from Proverbs 31
certainly falls into the same category. There is a whole flavor of Christianity
that uses this passage to instruct women of their “rightful place”. And I
suppose, if you interpret these verses on their own, that argument could be
made. And what a woman she would be… a superwoman… an uber-talented,
multi-dimensional, tired, overworked, overwrought woman. But what if we knew
things about this passage, in its literary and historical context, that taught
us something different… something less specific and more general – applicable
to all of us, no matter our gender or family status? Would it be helpful? I
think that answer is YES. But it would also be scary because it would challenge
the assumptions we create to live an orderly life.
I’ve read a lot of really good exegesis on the book of
Proverbs, but perhaps the most helpful was a blog post by Rachel Held Evans. It
became the premise for one book and a chapter in another. She learned a lot from
taking a deep dive into Proverbs 31, and I want to share three lessons she took
away, because they were very helpful to me, too.
She starts with the quote…
…for women like me who
grew up thinking of the domestic super-heroine of Proverbs 31 as just another
impossible standard by which to mark my shortcomings as a woman, the passage
can come with some…baggage. That’s because, too often, we focus on the Proverbs
31 Woman’s roles as a way of reducing womanhood to marriage, motherhood, and
domesticity, when really, this passage is about a character that transcends
both gender and circumstance.[i]
We do that a lot – we read scripture, compare
ourselves to the portrait of people declared virtuous, and see ourselves
lacking. But what if that’s not what the writer of Proverbs is trying to do?
What if this passage is about encouraging and engaging people to become strong
in and for the Lord, not setting them up for a seemingly impossible way of life?
I love the Olympics – I see those amazing swimmers and
gymnasts and track and field athletes and think, “I could never do that.” But
there are all these people – kids and even adults who see these people perform
at the highest levels and think, “I can do that – or at least I can try.” Many
of today’s best and brightest were introduced to their sport by watching
someone compete, inspiring them to start their own journey.
This year’s silver medal-winning Women’s Gymnastics
team all saw Kerry Strug make that heroic vault in the 1996 Olympics, winning
the US their first US team gold medal. “I want to do that,” they said. Do you
know Megan Seidel? She was a college cross country runner who qualified for the
US Marathon team in February 2020, running her very first marathon, then going
on to win the bronze medal in only her 3rd marathon ever![ii] Inspired by runners who
came before her, she is now an inspiration for a whole new generation of people
who dream of accomplishing goals that once felt out of reach. These stories
remind us that the way we live can inspire others to new challenges and ways of
life.
So, what are these 3 things that we should know?
First, Proverbs 31 is a poem. Its purpose is to personify the theme of Wisdom that
runs through the whole book. Wisdom is not just knowledge – it’s how knowledge
is put into action. With practice, it should be displayed in all the parts of
our lives… as we relate to our families, and as we contribute to the needs of society.
And it’s not just any ordinary, run-of-the-mill poem.
It’s an acrostic. Now if that sounds like it’s related to a crossword puzzle,
there’s a reason for that. Every line begins with a letter of the Hebrew
alphabet, in order. From A-Z, this symbolizes the wholeness of what it’s
describing. Get annoyed at someone who posts on Facebook or Instagram the
seemingly mundane occurrences of their day? Don’t be so quick to judge. Those
posts can highlight what the Proverbs writer is teaching us… everything we do
is an offering to and a gift from God.
We want to remember the best days as the
definition of who we are. Proverbs 31 reminds us that our best days are often
the ones remember the least about – those days tell us something about
who we really are. This passage isn’t an exhaustive job description for women –
instead, it celebrates how wisdom is to be lived out in everyday life – by
everyone.
Second, this audience for this passage is not women,
it’s men. In the Jewish culture, it’s not the women that memorize Proverbs 31,
it’s the men. And they do it not to remind women of their place in the family,
but in praise of everything they do to keep the family moving forward. Many
Jewish husbands sing the words of Proverbs 31 to their wives at their Friday
evening Sabbath meal as a thanksgiving for all they have done during the week. They
sing it because they are grateful.
We think of the entire chapter as a prescription for
women to follow to be considered valuable. But in reality, the only verse that
tells someone to do something is in verse 31. The husband is instructed to
praise her, not just in words, but in giving her a share in what she has
accomplished. The writer says, “Praise her for all her hands have done.” And
yet, a whole religious media empire has grown up with resources galore
instructing women on how they can accomplish this vast and varied list of tasks
and accolades. This stresses the mistaken belief that we can work or earn our
way into the Kingdom of God.
Third, Proverbs 31 isn’t really about celebrating
women at all. It’s about celebrating valor. The first line is best translated, “a woman of
valor who can find?” (The Hebrew is eshet chayil, “woman of valor”; the
male equivalent is gibor chayil, “man of valor.”) Rachel’s friend Ahava
explained that Jewish women often celebrate the victories of their lives, large
and small, with that greeting – ESHET CHAYIL – it reminds them - you excelled,
you survived, you were a witness and blessing to everyone. It was the last word
spoken at Rachel’s funeral in 2019. She was definitely a woman of valor.
Everyone knew what a man of valor looked like – it’s
right there in the Torah, explained in the laws of the Jewish covenant and
described in the heroes we remember. Proverbs 31 reminds us that there were
just as many women of valor, but they go unnamed. This passage reminds us that
VALOR isn’t just about what we do, but how we do it.
These days, we can be tricked into a “black-or-white”
“either-or” view of people and their choices. People, mostly women – but also
men, who choose to stay at home to focus on the home and family are often
questioned or ridiculed for giving up their careers or settling for a
second-rate place in society. Women who choose to use their gifts and graces to
concentrate on their professions – CEOs, medical professionals, academic
leaders, pastors – they are questioned about their dedication to their
families. They are condemned for making choices that some see as counter to
traditional roles of women.
Proverbs 31 asks us to consider these things as we
look for guidance on good living. What really matters? Is it charm or beauty?
Is it the size of our bank accounts or our membership in clubs or professional
organizations? Is it perfection as judged by others? No – what really matters
is our faithfulness to God, lived out every day.
So, what does that faithfulness look like? Maybe these
questions will help.
Are we trustworthy?
Do we look out for the
needs of the people?
Are we good stewards of
resources that we have at our disposal?
Do we share what we have
with others?
Are we prepared for the
bad times?
Do our lives reflect
God’s presence and purposes?
Is our faith evident to
others?
Do we keep working for
good, even if we have already accomplished more than we expected?
Are we in awe of God?[iii]
Both our other readings reinforce this call to valor.
Jesus reminds us that all people have worth. Everyone gets an audience with
Jesus. Everyone is called to listen and follow. And when we do so, it’s not just
about following Jesus, but about following God. Welcoming children would have
been offensive to many gathered there… children were a burden until they could
contribute to the needs of the family. Welcoming children was the embodiment of
welcoming the “least of these”.[iv]
As for James, he starts this passage with, “Are any of
you wise and understanding? Show that your actions are good with a humble
lifestyle that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13). Yes, there are two kinds of
wisdom – godly wisdom and earthly wisdom. One bridges the gap between us and
God. The other seeks to place the importance of the individual over that of God
– it’s a trap that is easy to fall into. But clearly, James is reminding us
that we are called to resist that temptation and live as women, men, and
children of valor in all that we do.[v]
A couple of months ago, my younger sister, the CHRO of
the company ranked 14th on the Fortune 500 list, was interviewed on
a national news outlet for Women’s History Month. When asked about the barriers
she had experienced along the way, she talked about the need for truth tellers
in our lives and shared a story about how she was able to achieve success. Four
years earlier, as she facilitated a merger with an international healthcare
company, she was required to travel to Europe and Asia for over 30 days,
meeting with the workers' councils and other executives in 12 countries. Her
bosses had complete confidence in her ability to get the job done.
But more than once, she was asked, “Are you sure you
want to be gone for this long? What will happen if one of your kids gets sick
or something else goes wrong at home while you’re gone?” Very gently she
reminded them, “I am not their only parent. They have a dad who stays at home
to help me put my energy into your company. If I’m needed, I’ll come home, just
like anyone else on this trip would… we can be where we are needed when we are
needed, and right now, I am needed on this team to accomplish this task.”[vi] And whether she knew it
or not, she was talking about exactly what Proverbs 31 & James and Jesus
ask of us.
Thanks be to God.
Peace, Deb
(c) Deb Luther Teagan, September 2021
[i]
Rachel Held Evans, 3 Things You Might Not Know about Proverbs 31, May 12,
2014, www.rachelheldevans.com/blog/3-things-you-might-not-know-about-proverbs-31
[ii] https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/molly-seidel-wins-bronze-olympic-marathon-after-battle-through-heat-n1276240
[iii]
Robb McCoy and Erik Fistler, https://www.pulpitfiction.com/notes/proper20b/#Proverbs31=
[iv]
Ibid.
[v]
Ibid.
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