Celebrating a Life Well-Lived... words from my dad's funeral

In 2012, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He was 85 years old. He survived surgery and multiple regimines of chemo therapy, all because he said he still had more to accomplish. He lived to celebrate his 58th wedding anniversary with my mom, and almost made it to his 90th birthday. We have cried a little these last few days, but mostly we have laughed, because we had lots of stories to retell, and because that''s what he taught us to do. I am especailly grateful to Rev. John Warren and the friends at St. Paul UMC in Spartanburg, SC for allowing me to share a few thoughts at my dad's memorial service on Sunday, August 21, 2016.


Celebrating a Life Well-Lived 

That’s why we’ve gathered – even from the four corners of the earth. When John asked if I wanted to just be a daughter and sit in the pew, or if I had something to say. I told him that I’m a Luther, I always have something to say. 

I tell people all the time that as Christians we have to learn not to be afraid of death. There is sadness for ourselves, of course, because of what we’ve lost, but there is much more joy because of what we’ve had. Our dad taught us a lot about life, and so I’ve had some time to think about the lessons I have learned. These are not the only ones, but as I was halfway around the world, thinking about all of the best things about my life, these are the ones that bubbled to the top.

My dad taught us what we know about sports. It should not be a surprise that this made the list. Dad believed that sports in general taught important lessons about success in life. His first job out of college was coaching, but even later in life, he refereed, coached little kids, and brought baseball and hockey to the forefront of the communities where he lived. So we love lots of sports – basketball, baseball, and anything related to the Olympics. But I especially loved watching and talking football with him. Some of my best Sundays as a child were spent sitting in front of the TV, watching whatever professional teams were playing. That’s why I know the different between a sweep and blitz, and how to enjoy watching a play unfold before me on the screen, - often at 3AM - or even better, in person. But more importantly, he taught us that being on a team helps develop common goals, instills loyalty, and builds community. Each of us has our favorite teams, often in competition with one another, but no matter what, our love of sports and football will always hold us together, rather than push us apart.

Second lesson: My dad was pathologically punctual. We were taught that if you're on time, you're late. Often when we went to visit my grandparents in North Carolina, he would give us a leaving time, and then go sit in the car about 30 minutes before the designated departure. No surprise, we always left early. My sister shared a story about living with my parents one summer between college semesters and staying out a lot longer that Dad thought was appropriate. He was waiting when she quietly entered their Norfolk condo. He then informed her that coming in that late was not acceptable. She replied, "Dad, I stay out late at school all the time and I've never had a problem." His reply: "Well, that may be the way things work at college, but they don't work that way here." She said it was a lesson learned. Whether we still hold to those policies of promptness ourselves is not the point... we at least worry about being on time wherever we go.

Next lesson: You didn’t have to talk to my dad for long before he would begin telling a tale. Now we have all been given a list of stories not to share, but I can tell you that whatever we know about telling a good story, we learned from him.  Yesterday, we gathered at my brother’s house to share a meal or two, but mostly we told stories. Whenever we gather, phrases like "tell the one about..." or "remember when...?" are often heard as we sit around together. In this process, dad reminded us that stories don't just communicate facts, they also tell something about where we came from and who we have become.

Which leads me to the fourth lesson… We each learned what we know about taking care of people from him. I think that friends and family alike knew him to be tough, but fair. I’m sure those of you who knew him can think of a time when he demonstrated this trait, but I especially remember this one Christmas. We were gathered in Birmingham when my nephew Will was just a baby. On the 26th, we headed out to the local mall for shopping and lunch. On the way, we were witness to car versus pedestrian accident when a teenager tried to make it across the street against the light. Before we knew it, both of our cars had stopped in the nearest parking lot. Mom, decked out in a beautiful purple running suit, started directing traffic, BJ and I attended to injured teen and driver, and Ola kept the crowds out of the way. Eventually the police and ambulances arrived and we were thanked and sent on our way. Skipping the mall, we gathered around a couple of tables at Chili’s, looked at our menus and ordered drinks and lunch. After the chips and salsa arrived, we started eating as if nothing had happened. Being an inquisitive seminarian, I asked, “Aren’t we going to talk about what just happened?” My sister looked up and said something like this, “What is there to talk about? We just did what we were taught to do… help whatever way we can.” And how could I argue with that?

At 84, my mom & dad took Disciple bible study, a 34-week biblical overview with homework! My dad had often worked on Sundays and so this was my first knowledge of him doing anything like that. He loved telling me what he learned each week, and when it was cold and rainy and tempting to stay home, he headed out the door on Sunday afternoon, saying, “We have to go. I did my homework this week.” The fifth lesson he taught us, and perhaps the most important, is that you don't have to beat people over the head with your bible or talk about Jesus all the time to be a person of faith. Faith is about the way you live, every day, with every person you meet. He really was the embodiment of the Wesley mantra, “Do all the good you can to all the people you can in all the ways you can.”

I look into the congregation and I see this group of people gathered and I am in awe of what I see. You are those people who go to funerals. Many of you were friends of my dad. There's a couple who were in my parents' wedding, and friends who love them here in Spartanburg, There are friends from his work in Virginia and friends of me and my brother and sister from our childhood, for whom my dad was another sounding board and authority figure. But there are also a lot of people here who never met my dad, and your presence here honors him, because of your friendship with us, his legacy. And so I want to make a permanant reminder of this day, with all of your smiling faces in front of me. So say "Cheese" and give me a big smile!

The gospel message – the good news – is that God is down every road. We have each known God in all of our accomplishments and celebrations, in our disappointments and difficulties, and in the everyday moments when we forget that God is even here. So let us be reminded that we are not alone on this unknown road, and that God is always preparing the way for joy.

Peace, Deb