Sermon for Mom - Doris B Luther (1933-2024)
John 15:9-17 (The Message)
“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love. I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father. You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you. But remember the root command: Love one another.”
The word of God for the people of God… Thanks be to God!
To begin, I want to share many words of thanks. The first is to the people of St Paul UMC and your pastor, Megan Gray. This summer a bunch of us attended a Greenville Drive baseball game one evening during Annual Conference. Little did we know that our lives would become so intertwined. Thank you, Megan, for inviting me to participate in this service. And thanks to this congregation for the love that you showed both of our parents, and our whole family over the years. You have truly been the hands and feet of Christ for us.
Thanks to the friends and family who are here today. Some of you never met her except through one of us. Your love and care of us has carried us through many difficult days. To her caregivers at White Oak Estates and Manor, Laurelhurst and Laurelwoods Memory Care, and Foothills Hospice – we cannot thank you enough for the care you gave her. She was a member of your family and you took us in, too.
And from Ola, Chuck, Shawn, and I, a deep and heartfelt thank you to BJ and Dee Dee for taking care of Mom and Dad the last 15 years. There are no words to say how much this means to us.
So let’s talk about Doris… we can all agree that the Coronavirus COVID-19 was a very difficult time – it was the same for our family. Whether we lived close or on another continent, it meant that we didn’t get to see my mom in person, hold her hand, or kiss her cheek for almost a year. And while it was really hard for us, it was even more difficult for her. But the times allowed us to figure out how to stay in touch and make decisions together even though so much distance separated us. Enter Zoom.
For several months, BJ, Ola, and I, along with our spouses, met in a virtual space to talk about what was happening with Mom, and with each of us. As the situation stabilized, we talked a little less about Mom and shared a little more about what we were going through. And we told stories… lots of laughter, often with different perspectives on memories we thought were set in stone. Those were hard months, but good ones, because we strengthened our family relationships and enjoyed being together for that hour on Sundays.
My mom would be the first one to say that she was a bit of an odd bird. She often didn’t respond in the way that people expected, including her children, and that was just fine with her. Maybe that’s why I have so many significant memories of her. Funny things she said and did. For instance, it took me a long time to be OK that many of our friends wanted to hang out at our house because our parents were so “cool”… great for them, but at the time, I’m not sure us kids could see it. But now we understand – our parents really were pretty cool. They took us places and exposed us to experiences that not many of our friends had the chance to see or do. I’m pretty sure that gave us the courage to do new things and step of our comfort zones to make the lives we have today.
Mom was a great teacher and musician, a good cook who kept a picked-up house… but mostly she just wanted to take care of people… she wanted to make a difference. When Scott Cochran came to Spartanburg Methodist College as the new president nine years ago, she regularly called him and told him stories about her time at SMC. She wanted to make sure he understood the history and importance of the place. And she wanted him to feel welcome.
She and my dad, Bill, were a great match – they evened each other out and lived a pretty good 59 years together, some of which my dad said were the best of his life, but always with a twinkle and a smile (mom just raised an eyebrow and went on with what she was doing).
They weren’t like many of our friend’s parents. They pushed us out of the nest when it looked possible that we would make it on our own. They were appropriately concerned when each of us made career or life choices they didn’t understand, but eventually decided that we had done the right things. Most importantly, we were able to make the choices we did because they modeled both independence and servant behavior as they lived their lives.
For me, it means sharing a story that I shared at my dad’s memorial service. It was the day after Christmas when William was just a baby, and we were one the way to eat out and do some shopping at the local mall. On the way, we witnessed a car & pedestrian collision. BJ and I both started giving aid to the injured, a young man lying in the street with a broken leg, and a woman who had hit her head on the steering wheel of her car, and Ola helped by calling 911 and making sure our two cars were parked safely away from the traffic jam that ensued. Where was my mom, you might ask? Why, she was directing traffic in her purple tracksuit, and doing such a good job that the police officer on the scene told her to keep up the good work. Eventually, we were sent on our way, and at lunch, when I, the second-year seminary student wanted to unpack the experience, my sister said, “We’re helpers. That’s just who they raised us to be… what is there to talk about?”
For a couple of years, my sister and I would try to get them to visit us in Ohio and Germany, but they were happily settled here, and reminded us that they were responsible for picking up the old people and bringing them to church, and didn’t want them to miss a Sunday because they were off gallivanting somewhere else. They were no spring chickens, so it caused us all quite a chuckle.
And who can forget that when they bought the house in Spartanburg, they tore out all of the shrubs in the backyard so that they could plant dozens of tomato and pepper plants? They kept half of the church in fresh produce for months over several summers. It kept them connected to the values they got from their parents, which they passed on to us. They even passed the home garden bug on to my husband, Shawn, and now we take a crack at vegetable gardening each summer in our retirement.
When my dad was sick the last year of his life, Mom did a phenomenal job of taking care of him… in all likelihood, it was holding her together. Her days were filled with making him comfortable. But no one could figure out where she went in the afternoons while Dad was napping... Until BJ caught a glimpse of her Discover card bill. It was filled with daily purchases at the local Ingles supermarket, each transaction usually less than $10. That’s when we realized she went there for connection … every day. She knew everyone by name, and checked in at the produce department, with the guys back at the meat counter, and swapped stories with the ladies at the deli, always bringing home little tubs of chicken salad and banana pudding, my dad’s favorites. And when we asked her about why she always bought something when she was there, she told us that she didn’t want to take people away from their work, so buying something showed the bosses that this was time well spent by their employees.
But it turns out the last best act of servanthood was saved for when she was no longer able to live on her own. At White Oak Apartments and Assisted Living here in Spartanburg, and later at Laurelhurst and Laurelwoods in Columbus, NC, she religiously played the piano for the residents after lunch, leading the singing in true choir director style. And one day, when she knew we were important, but couldn’t remember our names, she played a rousing version of “Standing on the Promises” as we entered the room, and introduced us to the residents and staff saying, “These are my people.”
It took several years after I graduated from seminary for my mom to be fully on board with my new role in life and the church. But I reminded her often that having me baptized as an infant, and raising me in the church was where it all started, so in some ways, it was her fault I answered the call of God to serve in the United Methodist Church. I had seen my parents live out a servant model of faith for so long, that eventually I knew that’s what I wanted, too. The same goes for BJ and Ola, who have lived out their faith in the business community, taking care of their employees and bringing a little light and a little laughter wherever they go… After all, both of my parents could tell a story and make you laugh, so it makes sense that we got that from them, too.
In our gospel lesson today, Jesus told his disciples that they needed to willing to give their lives for their friends. This doesn’t just mean giving them up to death, but in the way we live and love and have our being. We commit our lives to Christ, we are committing to a life of servanthood – to loving and caring in all the phases of our lives, and in the way we model that faith for us. As we remember the life of Doris Luther, our mom, our grandmother, great-grandmother, and our friend, let us remember and believe that love and service to one another is at the root of all good things… it is what life in Christ is all about. Let us give thanks that we are all a part of her legacy to the world and in the Kingdom of God. Amen.
Deb Luther Teagan © 2025
St. Paul UMC, Spartanburg, SC 1/18/25
